I spent the last 3 days helping out with my 5-yr-old cousin’s preparation for a kiddie pageant at her pre-school as she was the appointed representative for class muse. We took care designing her 3-wheeler ‘float’ for their parade (which turned out quite fine for something planned and done spontaneously). We got her a purple gown, bought her a new pair of shoes and practiced her routine for the talents’ showcase again and again (and again!).

Yesterday was the big day. There we were.. me, my mom, my Tita our cutie little princess and her very makulit but adorable escort. I was my lil cousin’s stage-ate slash photographer slash ‘float’ designer slash fashion-hair-makeup consultant slash semi-choreographer slash chauffeur and her very own groupie! We were all pretty excited in spite feeling worn out from all the costume change and the moving around. But to top it all off, she was able to entice the judges in her own charming innocent way, thus had bagged the tiara for herself, much to our suprise and delight. I was her proud ate who pinned her sash. But my joyous reaction was nothing compared to her teary-eyed mom. Such a sweet sight of such a sweet victory :) Though, i’m afraid i’m gonna have to find a way to combat the mamma eu quero da a chupeta jingle that’s still irritatingly reverberating in my head..

It was a nice time of fixing and dressing up. Reminds me so much of the time my brother and I were unyieldingly coerced to represent our dad’s uncle’s company’s float at the Masskara festival when i was probably 7 or 8. It took me a while to live that embarrassment down as i was picked on by my classmates for quite some time. Ironic how I wouldn’t even smile or wave at the Bacolod crowd then when yesterday I would constantly call out to my lil cousin to “smile!” and “wave!” at her spectators. :)

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Wicker Park.
For a love story, the Wicker Park movie is one heckuva suspense-thriller. My friend and I went for the LFS last night. Our other friends chose to watch The Incredibles while we opted to see a Josh Hartnett flick (who, I have to say, I adored in Pearl Harbor. hehe.). We were totally clueless about the plot since we haven’t seen the trailer before and we were surprised to discover that we were actually holding our breaths all throughout the movie. The antagonist — hah, i’ve never felt this much hatred for anyone in my entire life — I wanted to scratch off her face from the big screen with my claws (haha. exag.). The movie is like an American semi-version of Jologs. hehe. But all in all, the movie’s highly recommendable. Go see it if you want to feel thrilled, agigated, annoyed, mad (with clenched fists), tensed, in love, and good for two hours.. and have additional lingering thoughts and mixed feelings after that. :)

Yesterday morning, a friend texted to tell me that she had read from her journal entry dated Nov 28 one year ago, on how she prayed for me as I was gonna be the emcee at the IV Day (Nov 29, 03) the next day. I was still lying in bed when suddenly all these memories came flashing back. Exactly one year ago, I was in, by far, the lowest point of my life. It was the one time when I felt the most vulnerable, hurt, betrayed, and.. depressed. This time last year I was talking to two friends and I found out something terrible about something important in my life that I wasn’t aware of for a whole month. It had been a very torturous month but when I finally found out why, all the pieces in the puzzle were put into place. Realizing the whole picture was the most painful thing. I wasn’t able to eat that day last year. I only slept for 2 hours and I had to sleep on the floor coz I was thinking if I woke up later and I am suddenly lying in my bed, then I’ll know that the whole thing was just a bad dream. But I didn’t. I woke up still on the floor. My eyes were sore and my head hurt from bawling the whole night. As a result, I wasn’t able to host the said event. (Unless, it was okay for them if their emcee’s wearing shades until it was dark and her voice is all shaky and her lips all trembly. Hehe. I didn’t think they would have wanted that. And I don’t think I had the strength to do it.) All throughout the affair, I was alone sitting in a table far from the whole group with people coming up to me from time to time asking how I was. I showed them forced smiles and told them I was gonna be okay. But I wasn’t; not for another two weeks after that.

A reminder of my past hurts. It’s funny how I feel it’s only yesterday that it happened when in fact it was 365 days ago.

Time does fly. But one thing about time is also true. Time does heal. :)

They call it “LCDC hangover” — not “fever”, because that only pertains to a Kawayan Camp experience. But, whatever it’s called, i think i caught a wisp of it. The after effect: i often find myself thinking back on the camp held in Lemery, Batangas two weeks ago. I stayed there for a week long with friends and newly-met friends for the Leadership-Discipleship Camp 2004.

That experience for me was an excursion, rather than a camp. I remember joking while we were on our way to pre-camp that i’m headed for an excursion, and not some serious, Christian camp. They laughed, but deep inside, i meant what i said. The type of excursion that we know of is usually just going on a nature trip with a bunch of friends/family, laughing, joking, eating, purely having fun. However, the excursion i went to was a little different — it was all that, plus the presence of my God. On one side, one would look at it as a job (i served as assistant secretary), but more than that, it was an honor for me to be doing Him service. I almost forgot how fun and fulfilling it was to be serving the Lord along with other Christians.

Along the way, He met with me — to be honest, i didn’t expect Him to, but He did.

He also met with me through people I was with.. friends that i sat and talked with, sang with, joked with, and shared tears with. The time i spent with these friends refreshed my down soul. And right now, I have no clue as to when I’ll be able to spend time with them again, but I will always keep them close to my heart..

Growing up, i wasn’t really used to the idea that people part ways. My family was pretty intact; i was blessed with the best barkada both at school and at church; i never transferred school (except in college na), so i wasn’t really familiar with the feeling that dawns when people part. It never occured to me how that word will teach me one of the biggest lessons in life until God called me to attend a one-month camp in Cebu last April 2003. Everyone knew beforehand that after that one month event we will have to part ways, but no one knew (except probably the counselors) how painful it was gonna be. And it really was. It’s not that i haven’t gotten over that (believe me, i have) but the point is, from then on, i’ve undergone a few “letting go” scenarios that really tore my heart more than words can describe (hindi nga ba hassle lamang ang IVCF sa buhay ko? :D)

And now, once again, i am about to say goodbye to people that have become close to my heart for the last 5 months (unless the Lord changes the plan..). I know it will be equally as hard as when i left home months ago. But i really have no say in this. Sometimes, i am annoyed at myself.. Why do i keep making memories with people when afterwards i would have to say goodbye? Why am i making things so hard on myself? And for them?

But maybe, just maybe, God is teaching me something valuable through these situations.. That sometimes we just have to learn to let go.. that people come and go.. that nothing lasts forever.. that the only permanent thing on this earth is change itself. Oh well, i guess, in a way, it’s therapeutic. Maybe, after a while, i’d get used to it, so I’ll be prepared for a much painful “letting go”.. so it won’t be that painful anymore. (or if one day the Lord calls me to Missions.. then He won’t have a hard time convincing me to leave — haha! Am i getting ahead of myself? :D )

But don’t get me wrong (kuya cres!) i am trying not to look at it negatively. At one angle, i am glad to see that I am the type of person that treasures people, and moments. And i am able to recognize how blessed i am that i have friends who did not only come across my heart, but left their marks there as well. :heart:

Memories i won’t soon forget:

1. buong LCDC week with co-counselors and campers (who i hardly know)
2. hammock moments with KCmates, etc.
3. sunset sa batangas
4. walking sa seashore
5. iyakan, sumbungan, and sharings na “Christian-Christian”
6. moments with a visitor from Mindoro
7. puyatan with the rest of the counselors
8. strawberry float ksama ang mga adik
9. kantahan, tugtugan, at sayawan
10. sleeping time with the exec!
11. bonding moments sa mga KCmates na hindi ko ka-close nung KC.
12. KC2k4 — yey, the best talaga kayo!
13. tagaytay experience / restaurant conflict
14. tawanan sa loob ng van pauwi ng Manila (combined comedic forces ng 2k2, 2k3, at 2k4)
15. blooper sa taxi ksma ang isa pang bangag
16. VCD at food trippin’ sa anislag
17. malling at group-picture with the mall rats (and a turtle!)
18. pakapalan ng mukha sa pag-videoke sa arcade (yikes, secret ba ‘to?)
19. walang katapusang kwentuhan about LCM
20. at mga goodbye’s na may halong pagpatak ng luha..

Hay. Ang buhay nga naman. Kung minsan malungkot. But if you really look at it, masaya naman. Thank you, Lord, for friends! :)