I’ve always thought of myself as somewhat a patient kind of person, the kind that is able to keep her cool. But the past few weeks I realize that I’m really not. And there’s so much that I need to teach myself. One test of patience is the situation I have now with my unemployed brother. The initial plan was for him to come here to the city to find himself a job, so obviously he can stand on his own and no longer depend on other people, coz isn’t that what every adult wants for himself? But I don’t understand why it seems that he doesn’t *feel* like applying at all. Sure, he had sent in his resume to a company or two, but that’s it. He even keeps dismissing me when I tell him to go to this headhunter who can help him find a job. But no, he’d much rather sit at home, play games, surf the ‘net, and lie around. Then when I ask him later on if he had gone to the place I told him about, he’d just tell me ‘no I didn’t, I’m still waiting for a call from [insert company name here]‘. I’m not even gonna enumerate the companies that have already turned him down for the last 4 or 5 months. I dunno if he’s really not qualified, or he’s sabotaging his interviews and exams because he simply dislikes the job he’s applying for. Anyone can say that nobody’s actually completely happy with the idea of working, but it’s a crucial age for all of us! Manna doesn’t literally fall from the sky anymore.

And get this, almost every night, at around 12 or 1 am when I’m already fast asleep, he would knock at my bedroom door just so he could go online on the wee hours of the morning. Who won’t get cranky because of that? I’m supposed to be awake by 4:30am! Why won’t he just go to bed and wait for me to leave in the morning? I dunno what it is he’s doing, but it’s like he’s just waiting for heaven to drop him a job wrapped in fancy paper and shimmering with glitter dust. It’s like he’s just having a nice vacation, but hasn’t he been a bum long enough? And man, he’s gonna be 26 in a few months. In case he hasn’t noticed, it’s time to take life seriously!

See there? I’m so mean. And those are exactly the things that I’m being so impatient about. And I know I’m so very bad in thinking this way about him. And he’s my brother. Why can’t I just be more understanding? I do, I understand his situation. But does it hurt for him to show a little effort? And show that he also wants to have a brighter future for himself? It’s driving me crazy! And yes, I admit it, I’m a bad, bad sister.

And another thing that’s driving me up the wall is the way my laptop is going berserk on me. The DVD/CD-rom is not functioning well. Sometimes it reads the CD, other times it does not. And it keeps ejecting the CD and DVD so I can’t watch a movie in full without it interrupting me like every 5 minutes! And there are also the little things like the screen that suddenly “hangs” and the way there is no sound when I browse IE or Firefox and when I use Yahoo! IM, and some other annoying stuff..

It just might be a filthy lens, a driver, or a software problem that a professional could easily fix, but even so, the thought that my laptop is malfunctioning already when it’s barely 7 months old is ticking me off! I’ve been doing my best to keep it running smoothly. Sometimes I would even blame the people who are also using it (say, my two brothers?), just so I could point my finger at something when in fact it just might be my fault. Sigh.

So these two things comprise my deadly battleground right now. It’s mind-boggling the way I keep telling myself to “just let it go”, “forget about it”, and “be more patient toward him” and other stuff, when it’s clearly so hard to do! I know I need to learn not succumb to temper, and remember how I should be kind to people instead and not let little things ruin my mood, coz isn’t that how things are supposed to be?

I have so much flaws I need fixed. I’m praying that God’s grace will continue to come and that He’ll stay patient with me as I also learn to extend grace and patience as well to other people (or things. lol).

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